Reflect on The Fathers In Your Life
Ok, first of all let me say Thanks to our readers! As I go about my daily life in Sugar Land I am often stopped by friends that are reading my column. I have been excited to learn how many of you look forward to this each month. I appreciate all of your support and encouragement! This has become a very fun and different creative opportunity for me to explore, and one that I look forward to writing for many years to come!
A Father’s Day. A very blessed day indeed! A fantastic opportunity to reflect on the men that shape and mold what being a man is, especially to women. I have been lucky and blessed to have been exposed to wonderful male role models as a child and have as a result married a wonderful man and have become amazed as the love of my life transformed into a father for our children. The celebration of finding the man who wears well the heavy responsibility is something to be thankful for every day, not just one day each year.
Fathers are many things. Mine was an exceptional surgeon. He assisted women in bearing children and delivered over 5000 babies in his long career as a physician. He had strong hands and a kind voice. He fathered five of us with me being the oldest. I saw him cry when his bird dog “Missy” died and the day my mother was killed. I learned how to be the best and push for excellence from him…I learned how to be a parent, a spouse and a productive and responsible adult from his example. He made mistakes that I never recognized until I was walking in his shoes as a parent myself. I think that’s the way it should be. We are all completely overwhelmed when we step into parenthood and to understand the complexity of that role is best accomplished as an adult. Yes, there were rough spots. Especially with my father’s decision to remarry. But in the end all has been forgiven. The only regret I have with my father is that he never fully recognized my own potential as artist. He never met me as an adult and fulfilled my make believe story that over dinner somewhere that I liked, he would praise and affirm how proud he was of his little girl. He passed just at the tipping point of my career and missed completely the grandson that I delivered only a few months later. Life is a series of missed and hit opportunities. He knew how proud we were of his accomplishments as a surgeon, and he knew he was very loved.
My Grandfather was also a remarkable man. Married for over 50 years and sat at the millionaires table in insurance back in the 50’s. He “never met a stranger” and salesmanship traits that I have has always been lovingly blamed on this sweet man. A solid in his faith family man and totally dedicated father, he was shattered the day my mother was killed. My grandparents were always at my home as a child. Every holiday and vacation was spent with them. They were visiting over the Easter break when the accident happened and it was from his lips I first heard the news. He and I both were changed forever. He would bring me to the mountains and take care of me for months at a time as a child. I would pick butter beans and ride horses bare back and find craw-fish in the streams of cold Carolina mountain water. We bonded in a way that I realized as an adult was stronger than the bond with my own father. “Big Daddy” was the perfect grandfather.
“Big Daddy” would wait until all the presents were opened under the tree and then he would say, “why look!, see under there….what’s that shug?” and it would ALWAYS be a make up kit with tons of RED lip sticks and BLUE shadows! Mommy would shoot a look and Granny smiled because he had done that, (when mommy was little too!) all too many Christmases before. He always seemed to have an endless supply of sweet potatoes and pecans (for those of you unfamiliar that’s pronounced “PEE-CANS”) and the coat rack sprawled across the Caprice Classic. He was starting to go when I got married and by the time my daughter was born, he had gone. Alzheimer’s and heart disease. I remember the first time we went to see him in the “home” he kept calling me by my mother’s name as if I had never existed. He asked me to save him as I was leaving and I thought how could God be so cruel to him. He slowly forgot all that was ever important to him and it was hard. Harder in many ways than losing my mother ever had been. When I remember him it is always the good times and never those last years because he was not really there. I tell my children about the mountains and the “energy food” (orange peanut marshmallow candies in his pockets) and how much he loved my mother and their great grandmother. I recently heard his voice after ten years when I showed my children the tape I made of him talking about life before cars and how he wanted them to “go, I mean get down on it GO!” when he put his foot on the accelerator. He sang to them the songs he sang to me and had sung to my mother. They know who he was and will remember him because I made sure there was footage for them when they were old enough to watch and listen. He never saw me become a mother let alone an artist but he always made it clear I could have whatever I wanted. “Go, get it” he would say and you know what? I have always believed that because he believed in me!
My husband is a remarkable man. He has learned how to be patient in the midst of chaos. He has grown accustomed to the responsibilities of his role and the importance his influence has and will have when our children choose a mate. He has grown through the years into the man I always knew he would be. Daddy wasn’t sure if we should get married barely 20. We of course knew everything about the world then! As time has moved on we have grown. He has the brilliant mind to manage me and all the business of an artist. He has strong hands and a kind voice. I saw him cry when we gave birth to our first child and gained strength from him and with him as we stepped into parenthood. He is a faith driven man who believes and stands for what is right and loyal. I give my father and grandfather all the credit for showing me through their love and guidance what it means to be a Father. They gave me the tools to recognize my gem when he came along! He has been my best friend for a long long time. He has always said to me “Go , get it! I am right here behind you… just GO!” It is because his faith in me is so strong that I can become everything I ever wished I could be.
Fathers are wonderful. They are protective and brave and supportive and loyal. They wipe away tears and cheer the loudest. At their very best, they make sure each child hears them say YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! They know when they do that we are em- powered to take on the world! Be sure this Father’s day you wrap your arms around your father and whisper in his ear just how much he is loved. Thank him for his strong hands and his kind voice. Share the entire day doing just whatever he wants because that’s the way I think it should be!
Happiest of Father’s Day!
