The How of Winning or Losing
We all know the saying…”It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game”; and that well, is no more appropriate than when fighting with a diagnosis of breast cancer. Many of you are aware of my work from the past several years with mothers who have and are surviving…striving and conquering the deadly disease of breast cancer. In the years of creating my calendar, “Hope and Inspiration”, I have had the tremendous opportunity to meet and become inspired by so many wonderful women. I have found that through my work, as an artist, not only have I become inspired by these clients, but they have become inspired and empowered by being part of my work as well.
Diane came to me in the first of this year, recently diagnosed with breast cancer and also the mother of twin girls and a baby. As she was coping with the devastation of losing her hair and attempting to explain to mere babies why mommy was going to look different she called me. I began as I always do by finding out how far she was in the treatments and we together made a plan for taking control over how this was going to be presented to the girls. I usually get an image of what I’d like to have as a representation for each client, albeit a cancer mother, or the most newest of newborns. My vision was clear as we talked… that of the children taking control of in every other way imaginable and uncontrollable situation. She came to me with the girls and they had no idea what I had planned. We dressed them in the most fabulous of tutu’s from my studio collection and with bright colored scissors we cut all the hair off ourselves! The “making of lemonade in a sour situation” was in my mind the perfect solution. The girls at first were timid and being children we as mothers of course never want them to cut off hair be it a doll or themselves….let alone their mother! After the initial shock had worn off of the tasks we were asking them to do, they cut a little here and there and it was a very interesting way to control the metamorphosis of the image of who they had known to be their mother . We giggled, we checked to see how mommy was doing and we continued to give her a “new look”. If I’d not known it before, I knew then in those moments what I have been brought here to do as an artist.
Giving an opportunity to the girls to say “WE ARE NOT LETTING CANCER CONTROL US,” not even how we see our mommy was a richer gift to them than they even realize today. Soon Diane will look to the rest of the world like any other mommy. She has new hair coming in and the girls are comforted by the fact that she has indeed fought and will, if ever challenged again, be ready for the battle. The challenges that we all face in life must be either met with purposeful and diligent control or the lack thereof and as a result of desperation. I have never played my life with desperation, and perhaps that is why and how i gift to those that find me a chance to make a hell of a fight against anything that decides to drop into their otherwise normal lives. I was moved to make an impression to those babies that although we couldn’t control the outwardly changes that wreck havoc on an otherwise healthy body, we could decide when and how their image of “mother” was going to be taken away and leave behind a slew of tremendous memories for them to reflect on as they grew older and realized just why and what we all did that day!
Whenever I am asked why I am who I am and became so driven to be the way I am, is always answered with having been a product of the events and circumstances of my life. Anyone who has ever been a friend, a client, a family member knows that I play life real hard, I dream real big and nothing, and I mean nothing gets into the inner crevices of my psyche. My goals and dreams have never been secrets, but worn like bright stars to reach. In being an artist, a community leader and a philanthropist, in my heart I have always wanted to make a huge difference in the lives of children. Being led by gut instincts and not fear is how you win….really at anything life dishes to you.
If anything is to be learned from Diane, aside from what we did that day and how it will invariably mark a milestone for her and her children, it is to be capable of looking any life event head on and maybe even with a smile. A diagnosis of cancer, the loss of a loved one, the failure of a important test or pitch to a client or what have you….we can create the “HOW” of the equation of life. Living and dying are a part of what we all are, will all do and will all eventually have to face, it’s not a win or lose…it’s a fact. Teaching our children and ourselves the “HOW” makes the actual game an incredible ride!
